:okenspay ordway - aka things i forgot to tell mommy:

:test: :intro: :infected tattoo: :rock star man: :you got the job: :alpabet poem: dress: : we're assholes:

:half a day a week: :alcohol is the root: :zoinks: :calling all: :tv baby: :interruption: :metal queen: :alcohol or comedy:

:isabelle: :insomnia: :obsessed w/ childhood: :no me drink: :canadians: :porno brainwash: :32 fuetes:

 :ahhhh: :im yer peer: :factory hotrod: :goodbye: :all you ever do: :singn': :stumpy the mouse: :snowboarding:

:poem#357651: :gig tits: :my satan poem:

be this a wee note, this is the first site to have all the okenspay album typed out, and yes i did it all, hence the atrocious spelling.

but please dont steal it seriously took way to many hours to do it all just to be copy and pasted by someone.

 Test top
Testing, testing … hear that, that’s my lip ring … testing, testing … 1, 2, buckle my shoe, poo, poo pee doo.

Spoken word, have ya heard, what’s it all mean, what does it really mean, what is it, what exactly is it… is it poetry, is it prose, what is it…rants and raves, some people want you to be political and they want you to be pissed off!  They don’t want you to try to be honest, God forbid ya try to be funny.  So theres nothing more I can say except that right now wherever you are listening to this, I can guarantee you im probably somewhere else, he ha hek ha

Ok already … im here to tell you im having yet another shitty day, I swear sometimes my shitty days run into each other giving me a shitty weeks, I think im in the middle of a shitty month that’s shitty! My god damn arm is totally fucked up, I want to cut it off at the elbow, I don’t know what the fucking problem is, I mean im a hygienic clean gurl, I smell good ya know~clean~squeaky!! Strawberry glycerin scented soap everyday, all over me everywhere, come here smell me taste me, good hey? Ok you can stop now cause your making me feel uncomfortable, I hardly know you anyways, the point im making is im a well bathed clean little gurl, so then … what the fuck is up with my arm?? It absolutely has devastated me, it grosses me out , it hurts like a bastard apposed to when I was having it done and it hurt like a bitch.  In the bible it says your not suppose to mutilate or decorate your body cause god will get really cheezed at you, But that guy Jesus dies for are sins right? So I figure when I get to heaven, right before I have a drink with Bob Karsnarik and Andrew Wood, ill get an appointment with god and explain to him, I could wear long sleeve shirts and no one would see them, I hope he goes for it, I bet Christina and those dudes would let me hang out at there pad if god was too bummed at me. Or I could just wait at the gates for my mom, cause shell outlive me. And then she could go talk to him about me, kinda like she did when I got suspended in grade 10 for smoking in the boy’s washroom and she had to smooze the principal. Uhhhhhhhhh, yet another shitty day some times I swear my shitty days run into each other giving me a shitty weeks, I think im in the middle of a shitty month…that’s…shitty!

He phones to yak….and wack wack wack, this irritating boy. Step on a crack to break his back.  For he brings to me no joy.  He speaks to long I reply in tongues  he doesn’t understand can he not see I  must be free for me he’s not the man. Dissatisfied I hear his lies and reply candidly lee, please rock star man change all your plans and please stop phoning me.

If smiling raver chubby gurls with fragrant bartered blond curls wont lead you to stray you got the job
If you don’t mind cigarette smoke and my addiction to diet coke and sex night and day you got the job
If you promise not to make me cry and never ever tell a lie, when im on the road you got the job
If you love me for who I am ill love you back forever and babee im sold, you got the job!!!!!

Heave:Interesting:Jitters:Kitten:Love:Mine:Never:Open:Pussy:Quite:Restless:Stay:This:Understanding:Vitality:Willing :Xcuses:Yes:Zainy:
On the TV, Roseanne is all upset cause she has to go to some dumb party with Dan. And she has absolutely nothing to wear , and Dan isn’t very sympathetic and I feel sorry for her, cause I feel the same way about never having anything to wear.  When you feel like you have to look nice.  I mean I have my favorite outfit consisting of my green holly hobby dress with  the pink buttons, pink ballet tights and my docs, and my hello kitty barrettes….more the Arial ones. But you can only let someone see you with a dress like that around your neck once!

Ask yourself if you an asshole, Im not being mean or angry im simply asking a question. I guarantee you won’t think so.  Do you do enough for others? do you give of yourself? Are you selfless? Each day when you wake up do you smile and stretch and meet the day? Yeah right ! Do you whine about your job? Your friends? About money? Do you want a new skater board? A new car? A new life? Are you a gossip? Do you talk about your neighbor? Do you talk about people you don’t know? And speak negatively? It must be exhausting for you! Poor you with your apartment and your Levi’s and your x still phoning…and your bank line ups and Nikes! Poor you had to pick up that check at that restaurant, Poor you and that grocery shopping, Poor you and your good health, Poor you….and your place to live, Poor you……ASSHOLE

I have found a lack of sympathy for my chemically dependant brothers and sisters.  It disturbs me my eye rolling attitudes, I search through my studies of gods, I search for the compassion within me.  And I only have it half a day a week. I try and I try and I try and I try, having myself cross the fucking death junk line, the forcid cock the back hand of love, I know, I know, I know I, know, if I can get my shit clean after all the shit I seen, if I can still fall in love, and laugh my head off at my life, and my hard hard lessons. Then why don’t you  you rich 35 yr. old junkie fuck, I want compassion for you, but my friend I have none! You bear your victimization like a cross, a crutch.  Your lazy, its easier than to cop out than to rise above, believe me, believe you me, I cant believe you but just to be nice…right now is that half a day a week, that ill make a search for compassion.  For you, poor you, you fucking white millionaire! My eyes are aching from roll.

I know this is gunna sound kinda bad, but this is what I have to say and this is what I  kinda what I believe…
ALCOHOL IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL.  Don’t worry its just my opinion don’t get so defensive don’t look so pissed off, im not talking about you specifically.  I don’t even know you! Im talking about my life. On my twelfth birthday at Mary’s house in Lexington I had my first beer, I spit most of it out, her older sister friend who was feeding it to me in his truck, in the drive way, he was 16 uh we were listening to foreigner and he was putting his fingers down my pants. I was trying to be a grown up gurl, drinking a beer.  Well I drank beer for 14 yrs, ya know every bad thing that has happened to me would not have occurred, if alcohol wasn’t involved. The last boyfriends out of my total 10 would never have even started if I hadn’t been drunk as hell when I met em. God looking back I shake my head. Its surprising isn’t it I could never hold my liquor. Never once in my drinking history did I not  get fully pissed, every time. I have never ever had one drink and I have never ever been sober after two. Cheap date the funniest date, the loudest joke, the potty mouth.  Well I remember this one time standing behind the bar where the bar tender was working and because I knew two photographers from national geographic were sittn at the bar I was showing them my tricks…watch the Canadian gurl pick the pimento out of the olive with her tongue, yeah always a barrel of laughs. How could I be taken seriously I was drunk., I don’t know, I feel kind of weird I feel kind of stupid its weird, in not necessarily bitter, but I cant never drink again, I feel better I feel in control, I don’t know how I drank, I really don’t know how I drank all that time. I don’t think drinking is for everybody, but I don’t think not drinking’s for everybody, but I got to say, sobriety make heign sight beyond 20/20. And I still think and will always maintain, ALCOHOL IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL.

Last summer in Italy during the festival tour, another band asked a Milanese journalist what I was like, uhh unbenounced to them a ear shot of my crew , he says oh you know an angry white female, what a cop out, what a lazy answer, strangely when I was around any of these press dudes, I was in a very good mood, being a ham a comic, what gives?? No one who has not been in my bed laming out with uhh premature ejaculation, or cheaters has ever seen me angry. Ask my last fiancée why I put a knife to his throat, that was anger. You people haven’t seen it. You think this is anger? This is mild annoyance, and even if  I was angry right this very minute , So what! I should be, and so should you.  Look around you the world is thurally fucked, seriously look around you. A six foot tall anorexic bimbo with plastic breast is making me feel weird about my own body. Whats up with that seriously, where not completely stupid are we? I know this sounds like some bitchy rant, but I really feel we got to address this, I believe in healthy mind healthy body, I believe in fitness and wholesome food, I believe in make-up for those who chose. I understand essentially body shape is fashion and trend of the era and trend of the region. I understand Marilyn Monroe was size 16 dress and no one can deny May Wess was full of sex appeal. Back then the skinny gurls were kind of rackety, and not vilumptious enough, I mean logistically we know all this but in are materialistic shallow modern day  society , weh, well I, I, use to think, it was an intelligence quotient kinda thing, seriously or a maturity issue, Is it truly personal preference? Personal priority or is it a heard of cows thing, ya know, like were all stupid, shallow conformists with a low enough IQ to accept of being shown and told the standard of beauty and blindly following. There is a lack of individualism and spirituality, an a devote of Kristnia were mascara? Can a Buddhist stain their lips? It would not matter at all, would it? What insecure egomaniacs we all are. What is truly important in life? Health? Happiness? Maybe not even happiness, certainly not beauty. And then on top of all of this…There is main-stream media, and the entertainment industry…ZOINKS!…IM FUCKED

Calling all sexual predators, calling all sexual predators, come to Canada and rape, come to Canada and rape 3-5, 3-5 , 3-5, if ya murder and torture and are due for the chair, in your own country,  come to Canada, come to Canada ,we wont send ya back eh. well keep ya here cause we don’t think anyone should kill anyone ever. Calling all sexual predators, come to Canada eh !

T.V. BABYtop
I am a TV babee, its weird when ya stop and think about it.  Donna Martin graduates,.  Donna Martin graduates, totally different head..nannooo nannooo.  Rampart, 911, I remember watching Harvey Coreman on the Carroll Brunet show, from behind the couch from where my parents sat. I was suppose to be in bed.  Once we were old enough to complain and whine about Hindu-Stani –Canna  every Sunday night, we had popcorn and watched the Muppet Show in the living room.  Ya know my TV is worth a million dollars, why I call it my million dollar TV.  This is because, when I was 20 yrs old, I had a day job, a skateboard and a band….but no savings account.  I couldn’t ask my parents for money…it wasn’t an emergency.  My roommate told me to go to this certain rent-to-own company. Its like 20 bucks a month for a tv..UNREAL! So I went, and picked out a cute 12 inch color TV, and walked home with it that day. I got a remote control unit, and I ordered cable…life was amazing.  Before work in the morning, I could watch the today show, I remember the episode where Brain denounced to the audience that  Katie got caps on her teeth.  He busted her right on TV.. can you believe that? After I came home from work, id leave the TV off, until I got in the kitchen made a cup of coffee or tea, with like 4 sugars, got my cigarettes ..100’s, and my matches..wooden, and took a seat infront of the television  and turn on some talk shows. This is the life I use to think, I didn’t even own a bicycle or any transportation, I got my skateboard deck out of the garbage, and got trucks and risers for free.  Why one of the wheels was practically square.  I had tofu hotdogs in the fridge, milk and diet soda, and that was it! I had no new clothes just  ratty T-shirts, and jeans and stuff.  I had minimal shoes, no make-up but soap…and no furniture.  But FUCK did I have a beautiful TV.  Id watch it while I ate some supper, and then till I left for band rehearsal.  After that id get home late and go to sleep cause id get up at seven to go to work.  This was my routine, it was the greatest.  I was truly blessed!, with my little TV, I adored it.  I put hello kitty stickers all over and the remote.  It was beautiful…I would get a bill in the mail every month, I mostly paid them on time, cause I could go downtown to the rent-to-own store, and hand them my payment.  How convenient.  As the last 6 yrs went buy my TV saw me through  7 apartments, 4 boyfriends, 2 bands, one job, my same job for 5 yrs, and 10 tours.  And..one fucking asshole at the credit bureau … heres what happened.  Because even though I was often becoming late on my payments, this rent –to –own stuff was giving me a credit rating. I started getting all these credit card applications in the mail..what luck! I got a visa card pronto, I bought dickies engineering overalls(the first thing I bought), the second thing ofcourse was some shoes, the third ofcourse was dinner for a boy friend. This is the life…then I got a bay card, then I got a holt renferew card, I got a fusha parriallis hockey sized duffel bag, for touring, I got Elizabeth Arden products for touring , I got MAC make-up and lots of clothes…for touring , then I went on tour…life on the road got good that van never smelt better! Then while we were on tour in a strange city on soundcheck, we get a phone call from the chick’s place we crashed at, that shed got broken into.  We went back there, and all that got stolen, was my pink duffel bag with all my new clothes, and girlie panties, and shower gels and you name it.  Every one else had their punk rock bags and T-shirts and stuff left alone.  Just me, the gurl, the gurl with the shiny pink bag.  The police man at pre-sent 51 were awesome, they made a report, I even got a real police uniform shirt, they felt sorry for me cause all I was left with was the dress on my back.  The other band we played with on the bill that night, the singer Leslie, and the Marian lady who ran the bar donated some panties and dresses and make-up and stuff, I was glad it was me that was robbed not one of my band guys, I mean I still had my day job and I still had credit cards, im glad the van wasn’t stolen. I mean it was just me.  I was balling when I phoned  my manager long distance…don’t get me wrong…but I had t get over it quickly cause I was my own tour manager.  So I couldn’t be a babee I mean I still had to try to get a meal buy out , out of the club owner that night.  Ya know the show must go on.  But my point is everything I mean everything in that duffel bag and the bag itself was a credit card purchase. I figured I was being shown lessons.  It gave me a lot to think about.  By the time I got off that tour and luckily went back to my day job, my bills were all pilling up!  I couldn’t keep up…my credit cards were all maxed! And I had no cash, I couldn’t even eat…I was FUCKED! The credit guy called at my work and asked if I was stupid? He said him and his cronies were gunna wait for me at my house.  I was crying and freaked out, he was a legit bill collector too.  Phoned to freak me out…and he did.  So I phoned home and I figured out I had to get my dad to cosign a lone so I could consolidate my debts.  Which brings me to my million dollar TV.  So my TV, my beautiful TV, was about 20 bucks a month right, I think it was lie a 400 dollar TV, remember it was  a twelve inch.  So you’d think it would be paid off in less than two years…heres the Snag!!!!…out of my 20 dollar a month payment, like a buck fifty, would go towards my actual purchase.  Can u believe that? So even though like over 3 years I paid something like 700 bucks it wasn’t paid off..FUCK ME!! Needles to say my TV was included in my bill consolidation.  That’s when I dubbed it my million dollar TV.  I got rid of all those credit cards, well except for one for emergencies, and got rid of my bill collector.  I have my own apartment now and lost my day job to touring, I have a stereo and a GTBMX , and I go to the gym.  But more important than anything I have my tv..my million dollar TV with the hello kitty stivkers all over it still have it .  I watch Rosie and the X-Files, and BayWatch.  Sometimes I turn my telephone off, so I can watch the nanny.  I don’t have a routine except that  Sunday night watching the community channel, for the italia TV, and soccer report.  Or  hockey night in Canada.  Or CBC on Saturday morning for fashion file, TV is still really fun, Im addicted I guess.  Life is still amazing, and I still love my million dollar TV, and I truly, truly am a TV babeee!

Ok, I don’t exactly know where you are in your listening progress, I am chewing gum right now because I just had to sneak in here and say something.  K number one I dunno ah you know a lot of this is uh different times and stuff but this may be around the time when im getting a cold.  Just so you know.  Im just kinda holding on man, ya know holding on until I get to go snowboarding, that’s all I do, I just hold on, im just holding on.  Uh and I got eh ya know spit in my mouth all the time, ya know so im trying really hard like not to have spit in my mouth.  Its been a problem for me ever since I quit smoking, which by the was September 16th, and I have not had a good nights sleep since I quit soo I dunno.  Anyway so I hope your enjoying this, Huh huh just thought id come on and say that I may be getting a cold so sorry if I sound like that, or it could be allergies, depending on the time of day that I was speaking, uh if it was night time im just usually probably sounding way more shitty.  Ok uhh..Continue

Metal queen ive never been or a punker chick
Often heard but never seen and dated mostly dicks
Angry white females a term you should save for your mothers
I’d be sleeping the whole tour if I had my druthers
I don’t party I ain’t down with bull shit anymore
To many times I came to with the devil at my door
That great word alternative applied inn 1989
Now it’s a cop out catch fraise that covers us like grime
Music will be to you and me whatever it becomes
Sometimes makes s fell happy and sometimes makes us glum
The only thing I have to say and you may think its bent
But it’s all just about emotions up for entertainment

My life was comedy, quitting drinking was the easiest thing I’ve ever done, I have never looked back. I can not simply understand why the hell I waited so long…unmanageable life! What an embarrassment, what a weakness, what a ultimate lack of self-discipline, what a loser.  My parents never drank or smoked; I put them through hell, poor parents. I was such an ungrateful disrespectful, selfish, hormonal little teenager, with a mouthy attitude, and sense of humor quite unlike my sisters.  I decided I dint need to continue attending church with my parents; I was searching for my individuality.  What an idiot, I wanted attention, I wanted everyone to think I was funny, I wanted everyone to like me, I hated myself.  I was called bug eyes, I was called fish lips, and I was called modern dairies.  The grade 9 gurls hated me they harassed me and beat me up. I wonder how those gurls are now.  I wonder if they are living exciting fulfilling loving lives, I wonder if there happy and healthy.  Me and my best friend Karime had every line of every Eddie Murphy movie down….goo la goo goo, you could smell it, im a karate man! Karate man bruise on the inside so they don’t show their weakness…banana in the tail pipe..bah boola bah boola bah boola bu ha ha bah boola bah boola bah boola ha! You name it I wanted to be Eddie Murphy or Robin Williams.  I wanted to be them I still am enraptured with comedians, they must always be carefree and laughing and playing jokes, and having fun, except for maybe Richard Lewis, he always says he cant get a date, bet ya he can, bet ya hes really ticklish.  Like me…tickled with life, tickled pink, pink ladies, black Russians, iron butterflies, Quitting drinking was the easiest thing I ever done, Quitting my comedic dreams was hard…I can never look back on either.

Me and Neina, were just kind of walking around, ya know.  It smelt like wet leaves, felt like autumn my favorite time of year.  Even though it was January.  We went into this antique store, and I was lost looking at all the laced pillowcases and feeling the pearl collars with my fingertips.  Neina said that one was her favorite store ever.  She promised she would take me back there when I had money.  We left and continued down the street when we first heard it…a crying coming from a cardboard box.  I was getting goose bumps.  I grabbed Neina’s hand.  You know me I get all sappy and stuff when I watch those Ryder institute commercials and cry and Robin giggles at me cause im silly.  We peaked in the box and we were astounded, orphaned teddy bears…it seemed like millions, but there were probably five or six.  Then we saw her... the bear in the red velvet dress…she was crying cause it was crowded in the box..i knew why I could just tell that’s all.  I told Neina I wanted this bear, and Neina was giggling.  I went in the shop that the box of bears was infront of and asked the man if I could have her.  I paid him three dollars and joined Neina outside the store with my new treasure.  Neina asked me what I was gunna name her, and I told Neina I wanted her to name the bear…ISABELLE she said with a big smile, just like that.  By god she was right, it was the perfect name, Neina, ISABELLE, and I continued down the street, and ate our cookies and giggled and squealed, and kissed until I had to catch the bus home.  I sat on the bus with ISABELLE on my lap; contented I couldn’t wait to get home.  Me and Neina had such a nice day; the bus stopped at the next stop and a old man with an un-shaven face, and old hat covering his fuck’n horns, got on.  He stopped and looked at me in my seat  “My god “ he growled “a teddy bear at your age!!!”

I have recently graduated from light sleeper to insomniac.  And quite frankly I find it startling, I lie there staring at the dark ceiling and wait.  Wait for sleep to smack me square in the jaw.  It is soo slow in coming, like my precious lover thank God! My neurotic brain races for hours about everything possible.  But nothing in particular.  I then become greatly disturbed, as I notice the time.  And figure out the hours left before I must rise.  Sometimes at this point I become panic filled, and toss and turn and huff and puff, and of course out of frustration my heart races, and adrenaline begins its crawl, all through me, or I become upset, because im encouragable as a spoiled child, my sniffles and whines and pouting wake my snoring lover..on purpose.  So I may notify him of my unhappy cranky over tiredness, and patently as always, he gently plays with me till I finally fall fast asleep.  I have recently graduated from light sleeper to insomniac, and quite frankly I find it startling!

I have to tell you…I’m obsessed with my childhood.  I never pooped! Im serious I hated pooping..i never did it.  I refused to poo as a child…mostly I couldn’t.  It wasn’t meat loaf, it wasn’t chicken or rice, it wasn’t 6 hotdogs at lunch with craft dinner on top, it wasn’t sloppy joes, it wasn’t inactivity, I just never ever pooped.  My parents had this house on Milanockit Court that had a bathroom upstairs, and had a door in the hallway and the master bedroom, they use to close the hallway door, open the bedroom door.  Sit me on the potty, and pull the TV in there, ya know so id sit and watch and wait.  I mean hours, I must have been rotting inside.  It would be like a week in-between.  I discussed this at length with my mom, and she was concerned thinking she fed me to much meat and stuff.  But you know what I say, my two sisters had no problem pooping, and they ate the same suppers, it was just me.  I was sick as a child, I mean I was always sick! If I fell off my bike and got a scrape, it would be infected.  When I had the chicken pox, I was hospitalized.  Because each pox was infected, each one!  In my eyelids, everywhere!  The nurses had to dab each pox with a medicated cotton ball.  My dad use to take us camping, one time I stepped on a dirty nail, ya know like rusty, bare foot, my whole heel became infected, it was huge!!  My heel was the size of volleyball.  I had to go to the doctor and get it drained.  I was soo ticklish all the time, it 5 or 6 doctors and nurses to hold me down, and then the feeling of the lancid heel.  I was screeamming my older sister was laughing her head off, right there. I had Scarletina this one time, and was quarantined, I had a tonsillectomy, I even remember one time in the hospital, of course for you know the reason.  A nurse was trying to put a repository in my rear end, and I was squirming and wiggling and giggling, ya know cause I was getting tickled.  Then I’d cry cause I was all tense, ya know and it hurt, sooner or later I had to make a run for it, to the bathroom.  BOY those nurses sure got mad at me for leaving a trail.  Someone’s always mad hey.  Ya know I took lots of things as a kid, ballet and jazz, dance, soccer, piano, I was always in trouble, always being a ham.  When I was 5 we were all on the stage, with these cardboard clocks, like ya know 2 feet across, tied around us with string like a sandwich board.  We were all moving are arms back and forth, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.  I was wearing red buckle shoes that I know.  Well my string broke and the clock fell off, right there on stage and I just stood there..frozen and balling!  The teacher had to walk right on to the stage and carry me off.  Ya know I reacted the same way when that stage-diver-crowd-surfer kicked my microphone into my teeth.  HEY, the more things change.  I quit all of it eventually.  Dance class cause I got lazy, soccer cause I grew boobs, and piano cause my teacher mrs. Davis, got mad at me and called me a stupid girl and banged my hands on the keys.  Ya know I was even a cheerleader.  HEY, in grade 6 in Kentucky, it was a cool thing.  S-U-C-C-E-S-S THAT’S THE WAY WE SPELL SUCCESS…I cant believe it, V-I-C-T-O-R-Y  VICTORY VICTORY IS ARE CRY..GOTTA GOOO! That’s how it went I really don’t remember the hand movements, but ah I was never one of the popular cheerleaders.  I remember this girl April, was very popular, and this other girl Jennifer was very popular, they were like we were all in grade 6 but they had bodies of 17-yr. old people.  And they looked like Fara Faucet, ya know, all blond with feathered hair and endless teeth, I didn’t look like that.  I wonder if my dad didn’t move us around so much, what if I would have turned out different?  Ya know normal.  Or am I ?  ahh im obsessed with my childhood, cause I don’t think im fully grown up, are u?  I mean really?  I am my inner child, I had to search for my inner adult, and im still look’n.  I still eat 6 hotdogs for lunch, there just vegetarian now.

No me drink no me a smoke
On your hate everyday I choke
No me frown no me smile
Guess emptiness is a style
No me kick no me scream
In these lines you read between
No me hurt no me hate
Anger always comes too late
No me strike no me bite
Walk on lotus if I like
No me worry no me wonder
In the midst of stress im under
No me lie no me steal
Unenlightened sex appeal
No me drink no me smoke
On your hate everyday I choke

Jim Carey is a Canadian, K.D Lang is a Canadian, Martin Short is a Canadian, Predare Trudeau, is a Canadian, Micheal.J.Fox is a Canadian, Lesley Nealson is a Canadian, Shannon Tweed is a Canadian, huuuuh, MAC make-up is a Canadian, Linda Evangelista is a Canadian. NnnNeail Young is a Canadian, Brain Adams is a Canadian, Sharon Breaneau is a Canadian, Wayne Gretzy is a Canadian, Irvin Layton is a Canadian, Ferusa Bulk is a Canadian, Mike Myers is a Canadian, Yasmine Gallowry is a Canadian, Shalom Harlow is a Canadian, DICK ass man is a Canadian, Celine Deon is a Canadian, Sabastion Botch is a Canadian, Kella Furr is a Canadian, Paul Shafer is a Canadian, Peter Jennings is a Canadian, Alex Treveck is a Canadian, Monty Hall is a Canadian, Shynia Twain is a Canadian, Rick Moranis is a Canadian, Keanu Reeves is a Canadian, Pamela Anderson is a Canadian, and me, and you.

Pornography is healthy, Pornography is healthy, if your healthy, pornography is healthy, pornography is healthy, if your not healthy, nothing is healthy, if your healthy pornography is healthy, if your not healthy, nothing is healthy, pornography is healthy, pornography is healthy, pornography is healthy, pornography is healthy, pornography is healthy, pornography IS healthy, pornography is HEALTHY, pornography is healthy, pornography is healthy, pornography is healthy, pornography is healthy, pornography is healthy, PORNOGRAPHY IS HEALTHY!!!!!! Huh huh huuh huuuuh!

32 FUETEStop
ok trivia question # 152…Name the ballet in which the pricipal lead dancer, female.  Does 32 fuetes.  Im expecting an answer from you…I already know…the answer…to the question.

Wooppshhurp, shuurp,emm, shuurpemm,woopshuurp,woopshurp!weeerkk,weeuurkemmm,mmwuuuurkk, mmmmerrrrrrrrk!mmuurk, emmeh, ehhhmmm, wurrrp, wuuurpemmm, WWUUURKEM, MMRK, MIIT, um…AHHHH

Im yer peer! Don’t cha get it?
Im yer peer, or else forget it!
Im yer peer don’t be a jerk off.
Im yer peer won’t take my clothes off…
For YOU!
You got a sound check..well SO DO I !!
You say ya wanna party but I don’t get high!
Im yer peer, or else forget it!
Im yer peer don’t be a jerk off.
Im yer peer won’t take my clothes off…
For YOU!
You got a sound check..well SO DO I !!
You say ya wanna party but I don’t get high!
You try to cop a field, Don’t …even try.
Let me explain it to you DUDE!,
And I don’t lie
Im not trying to say im a goodie tuu too
Don’t think I wouldn’t be ready for you
But load outs in a hour, what ya think im gunna do?
Grab my tit one more time and im gunna beat on you!
Whats the matter boy never met a gurll who rocked??!
The girls you usually meet are a very eager lot
Why can’t you face the fact that im one of the boys
Its these others in the front row for who I save my toys
Not for U! or the crew, or the fucking record dudes!
Grab my tit one more time and im gunna beat on you!!!

You’re a goddamn factory hot rod
Everything about you is premeditated
You’re really loud and you’re really fast
You’re hung soo proud but…will ya last?
You think when they made you they broke the mold
You’re like everybody else you gotta be told
I know that you’ll never realize
That your unnecessary vanity is your demise
YOU are a goddamn factory hot rod
Everything about you is premeditated
You’re so pretty you look like a girl
You think you own the whole wide world
You could never own me, slick motha fucka
You’re a stupid shit to think nobody can touch ya!
You are a goddamn factory hot rod
Everything about you is premeditated
You really dumb and your really fat
I guess no one ever really told you that!
I know in this town you think you’re a rock star
Go to New York my friend you’ll never get far
I know you’ll never realize
That your unnecessary vanity is your demise

Smoke another cigarette and think about what to do
I don’t think your gunna like to hear this…but im not coming home to you
I met my love in Amsterdam he says to say hello
He wanted me to change all my plans,
He begged me not to go
I tried a dozen times… to write you a note
And every time id call you when you’d answer id just choked
I sit in this hotel room…just down the street
I don’t even go out afraid of who ill meet
Liv’n in exile just like Rusty
Don’t want to see anyone
Don’t want you to see me
Don’t know what im waiting for gotta come and get my things
You can keep all the furniture
I already mailed back the ring
I met my love in Amsterdam he said to say hello
He wanted me to change all my plans,
He begged me not to go
As I smoke another cigarette and think about what to do
I don’t think your gunna like to hear this…but im not coming home to you.

All you ever do is complain
Some trivial event has you in agony again
Why stay so full of frustration
When all you need to do is change your situation
All you ever is whine
Don’t tell it to me
You’re wasting my time
How can you expect me to help?
When you cant even be bothered to help yourself
All you ever do is whimper
Change your mind theres nothing simpler
Why you just sit there I don’t understand
You IDIOT your life’s in your own hands
All you ever do is bitch
You think you’re the only one?…with an itch?
To get out of you’re crazy life
That stabs your back like a knife
All you ever do is freak
About the small things man your weak!
You’ve got to stop, your FUCKING moping
Stop sitting around your whole life…hoping
All you ever do is complain
Some trivial event has you in agony again
Why? Stay so full of frustration
When all you need to do...is change your situation!

Singing’s a fine lively hood.  The only one I got.  Struggled to make the rent sometimes since termination of the day job.  Kinda weird my workday starts when the sky is cool and black.  But I guess I should figure out a plan. What! I should fall back.  I could take up auto body, and work in some guy’s shop.  Fix’n bitch’n hot rods, I sure like cars a lot.  Perhaps ill study law, be a public defender.  But ill need a lot of Maalox, couldn’t take the pressure. Would you like me for your vet??? Or your doctor who examines you? Lady luck I met, so your ass should say...PHEWW. But ill just do what I do, cause I like it a whole lot.  Signing’s a fine lively hood, it’s the only one I got.

I had Cinderella complex with the boys
And ballet class gave me some poise
I've never ever lied to you
Or have anything that’s untrue
I constantly search for one true god
My icy gazer finally thawed
I sit before you full of ohm
In my mouse infested home…
One morning I awoke for work, decided my roommate was a jerk! He wanted to rid us of rodents, on mousetraps money he spent.  He placed them in the kitchen there under the sink, behind the stairs.  I walked into the bath to do the washing thing, and from the kitchen I heard a clang.  A Screeeaaaming mouse had caught his leg, on a mousetrap on this day.  Squawking, screaming, whaling mouse.  His rodent cry filled this house.  I started crying cause I couldn’t stand the roommates extermination plan.  I ran to the kitchen in my towel, with tear stained cheeks I was soaking his house.  The little mouse dragged the leg and trap behind  the stove I couldn’t get at.  I froze and didn’t make a sound, he did the same so he couldn’t be found.  But as soon as I did take a step he screamed and tried to drag his trap.  My balling in the commotion woke my sleeping roommate, he was choked.  I told him what was happening here, and I couldn’t hold back my tears.  I’ll take care of it he said with a smirk.  Now get going or you’ll be late for work.  He was right I had to go…and we couldn’t help the mouse under the stove.  It was gas attached to the wall, when pulled the explosion would not be small.  All day at work I cried and felt bad, and at my roommate I was mad! I didn’t mind the holes in are bread, or the mouse shit in my bed.  He wanted them out!, he was in a flap.  He insisted on buying and setting the traps.  I was young and dumb and I said “ok”.  But I never thought id feel this way.  To hear the mouse scream is what killed me.  I felt like a hunter a killing machine!  I couldn’t believe I went along with the plan.  To get the pests and scorch the land, I raced home from work really fast, so I could help the little mouse at last.  My roommate was on top of the stove, trying with a broom handle to knock the trap over.  I had the stove leaning forward, but not to far or we’d blow up for sure.  Out slide the horrible mousetrap in question, with nothing but a mouse foot left on.  He chewed his leg off the little mouse.  And was limping around MY FUCKING HOUSE!!  I was horrified I must admit, and again cried and felt like shit.   I looked at my roommate and my temper SNAPPED! I put an end to the evil mousetraps.  “TOO FUCK’N BAD!” I had to say.  If your inconvenienced living this way, we’ll keep bread and cereal in the fridge, and on everything else we’ll have tight lids.  Theres no way, I could hurt another being.  Except a cockroach cause they have no feelings.  My roommate had to agree, cause he saw how it all effected me.  From that day on our little house, we shared with Stumpy are little pet mouse, and Stumpy had friends…lots of them.  But I didn’t care I wouldn’t give in.  I loved living in harmony with my roommate, his girlfriend, stumpy and me.

This phallic snowboard beckons my sensuality
The silence of the snowfall is playing with my concentration
These blasted goggles hinder the shading from this god-forsaken run
Whipper, snappers, whipping by, shredding by
Carving through my heart
I flow as if on water
Gorgeous delicious airs
My heart stops as the cartwheels commence
I soar
My eyes close
I taste the mountain
This glorious creation of heaven
My body is taught and ripe
I give my self holy and completely
To earth and snow and ice
It takes me harder than my favorite lover
And the mountain eats me alive

POEM #357651top
This is gunna be poem #357651…about… the biz.  Ready??? Alright…
Second guessn’ count your blessn’
LOOK! What I’ve become
Sit and wallow
Thank god! I swallow
Gosh, what have I done?
Baby Jane
Putt’n blame
On every man she meets
Stop being a victim
Just delete them
And I mean toot sweet
Navy sweater
Yep he’ll get her
Wanna see where she bit me?
My curriculum
Monkey business
Not even Christmas
Fine! How do ya do?
Look here feller
Yer in these yeller
Can’t get the money…
Muffins missn’
Im just kissn’
Sweet potato man
Don’t look back
Faults yers
Had no b or c plan
Sit and wallow
Thank god you swallow!
Gosh , what have you done?
Second guessn’
Count yer blessn’
LOOK! What you’ve become!

Cursed nightmare
Beaming headlights
No help for them
No hope for them
Jumping, bouncing,
Blacked eyed giving
Not a sport
Fuck all will assist my swollen ouchy boobies
Gig neck?
Gig Tits!!!

Satan shows up on TV every Sunday morning
I would have kissed her once again but I found her rather boring
To listen to his messages
Is like licking razor blades
Seems like every time I play my hand shits commn’ up in spades
My clothing’s nothing buy miss matched
As you can see I broke my arm
The FUCKER swore to take care of me
But he only brought me harm
The blueberries on my toast
Are red and stale and rotten
You ask me what all their names were and its guaranteed id forgotten
If she could only anticipate the damage that’s begun
I would have caught the flight with her but im too tired to run
When you find my naked body
Please do heed my warning
Satan shows up on TV every Sunday morning